take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
