he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
