I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize