There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
