I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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