so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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