She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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