I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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