i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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