Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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