i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
