Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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(770): View more from Georgia

and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it

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(305): View more from Florida

so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(970): View more from Colorado

Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.

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(719): View more from Colorado

We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting

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(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos

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(248): View more from Michigan

Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.

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