We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
