It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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