I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
