I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
