My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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