Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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