I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
