any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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