capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
