Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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