you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
