??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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