Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
