Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
