I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have aggressive nipples.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
