ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
