My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
