So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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