I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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