six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
