so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
