he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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