My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
