so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize