We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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