are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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