His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
last night I used snow as a chaser
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
