5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
