uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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