I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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