well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
