I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool