btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!