i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.