I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
