turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
