i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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