Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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