Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
