i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
