Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
