I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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