I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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