i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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