How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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