I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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