sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
