4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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