I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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