I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
