omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
