absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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